May 22, 2011
well, i think, going to college, is a big step, no.. huge.
As you may know, i moved here frm Jogja, majoring IS in UI. i lived here alone.
I know it seems weird to bring this up again, because i'm not that freshmen anymore, 2nd semester already, but..
Sometimes, when i woke up at my house in Depok, every single day, the air tasted different
It's like some burden, or duty, or whatever this thing weighed on me, it's creeping me every single day.

I started to question myself..

Washed my hands and face, brushed teeth.
"Apa bener ini semua yang lo pengen?"

Grabbed my towel and took a shower
"Lo ngapain kuliah disini?"

Dressed up, Made cereal
"Apa beda kuliah disini ama Jogja, Semarang, or Bandung?"

Packed up bag, put on shoes
"Udah nyiapin tujuan?"

Shuffled my shuffle
"Nyobain hidup mandiri?"

Shut the door
"Mau jadi apa lo nantinya?"

it always hit me.
and me myself, are struggling hard to figured it out.
I know, majoring in UI are tough stuff. but then, I DO really want this am i?

I know by standing in this, i stand my ground. UI and the capital of the country are land of opportunities.
I dont do much in high school, well maybe a little, but i realize i had fun.
but now, this is the real deal, growing up.
living in this place, INSISTED you to be fully grown, LEVELED UP
this is the point where i should learn,
i should struggle,
i should challenge,
i should survive.

People had dreams, right?
and so am i,
but those questions instill me vulnerability,
questioning my capabilities.

and then i realize, i am still craving for 'high-school' fun.
i play warcraft over productive times, leaning and avoiding some issues,
i procrastinated so much i lost my scholarship and exchange opportunities
i've been lazy and suck at some subjects.
i didnt give my best at all events and org i joined.

i need intervention, from me, and for me.
i know it takes time to fit in,
i need some hard slapping, wake up call.

and i realize, i waited, and i kept pausing stuff. questioning, whilst opportunities and chances passed by
bright seniors got what they want, praised, and they LEVELED UP
they relentlessly motivated me, indirectly

i need to be as close as much, what they achieve,
whilst the internet kept trolling things about the rapture thing,
i guess i found my starting point.
lets just hope the shadows not that itchy anymore


Shanti | May 23, 2011 at 11:01 AM

intervensi terbaik buat orang2 dengan Locus of Control internal biasanya adalah yang datang dari kesadaran kritis yang dibangunnya sendiri.

good luck!

ps: if one day you need it, i will gladly give you a slap on your face ;p

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